I am no saint…
although…as a Catholic one can only hope to get there…so this story does not come from someone who did it right or who knows how to do it “right” but from someone who lived through things, and now knows some of the things she did wrong.
If you, like me, believe in learning vicariously…then this knowledge may be helpful to you.
Age at the time you meet your match makes a difference
I met my now husband when I we were in elementary school. I was new and my dad volunteered me for a school performance in which I had to do a Peruvian folkloric dance. We rehearsed and performed a very brief dance for school…that required spinning together, forehead-to-forehead making eye contact……and would you believe…I didn’t even care to know his name—–and I forgot him and he forgot me…just as soon as the song ended
That was just who we were at 9 and 10.
Beware…the situation is not the same once you’re a… ominous music please– a teenager. I am assuming here, that you are dating someone about your age, because that DOES make a difference.
Once you are a teenager you cannot spend one moment apart because life is just better next to that person. Let’s be real, Teenage years aren’t easy and emotions are felt really REALLY deeply.
Now imagine how the experience of falling in love, that really trips adults and seniors alike, might be experienced for TEENS!
—- thats gonna be intense my friend. Hold your panties and hat, because thats gonna be a roller coaster.
How long your relationship has lasted is a huge factor
It is not the same to hold off from beginning to have sex…one month, two months, one year, two years, three, four, five?…ten years?
Back in the old days of the bible people didn’t live that long, and also didn’t have to wait that long for sex! what was a marrying age? 14? and even for our grandparents..that age was 18? maybe 19? …now people are advised to finish a career to be able to secure a future….and that puts you well in your 20s….
but anyway….thats a topic for another day.
If you have someone with whom you feel safe, and whom you spend some time alone…and more specifically someone whom you love, sooner or later you WILL be faced with the decision to have sex. It might creep up on you, it might happen gradually and advance almost seamlessly. Especially if you have been dating a person for a while, you will feel like you want more of that feeling they give you…the way a kiss feels on your neck, or on your shoulders…little by little that desires engulfs you, and before you know it….you are completely in the moment and in a fog.
For a few times, Alarms will go off when the moment of actually doing it, approaches, and the sheer fear of the unknown or the idea that there is something too special about it…might halt you from carrying on.
I know, it happened to me too.
Why the heck should I wait to have sex then?
Protective to you but it is also protective to your future marriage.It is protectiveTo the other person as well.It is one of those few times in which you get a chance to exercise your future husband/or wife in fidelity.
How many of us have heard of marriages in which one of the spouses chooses to use pornography rather than engaging in Sexual acts with their own spouse. Which of course, Is connected (not causal) to the idea that a spouse who gets so tired of living Without being touched (think indefinite drought) chooses to seek sexual contact outside of marriage or run to pornography too.
Saying no to the person that you are in love with. That your whole body is calling for –Is the hardest thing you will have to do when you are young and in love (or old and in love–I’m not an ageist). But it is The one of the most invaluable exercises In self denial And Triumph over Lust, Triumph over your own desires…..It is invaluable practice for the rest of your life.
If you can say no, if you can Separate yourself fromThe person that you just Want to hold for ever, I think you will have a much easier time Saying NO To Anybody else, at any other time in your life.
This is very skill, Can be protective to a marriage that goes through good times and bad times.
Technically a virgin
The demarcation of still a virgin and not a virgin Can be a little hazy because many people have different ways of defining what being a virgin is.
Does penetration make you not a virgin anymore?
Does “going through the back door” make you not a virgin anymore?
Does seeing it or touching it make you not a virgin anymore?
I think that the more you can save For your wedding night, The less you will regret, and the more you will have to celebrate. Not having done something with the person Whom you love, But also who is not yet your spouse, Has a protective effect On you and your honey at that time, But also On you and your spouse In the future
So how does that protection work?
It’s practice in saying no and practice in running away from lust.
I am not a whiz on scriptures of the bible…but I do know it says something along the lines of: RUN away from sin….don’t think you can hang out around it! RUN from temptation! Sin is waiting, prowling hungry for your destruction.
The answer is run